Full of Graceland

After a day full of crazy, Jon and I arrived in Memphis late Tuesday evening, heading straight for the Heartbreak Hotel.


Conveniently located next door to Graceland, The Heartbreak Hotel itself boasts several Heavily-Elvis themed rooms for about five times the rate of a mere “Elvis tinged” room. We chose the latter, and inside we found pretty much what you’d find in any normal hotel room, along with a few extra Elvis photos...

...and some of these:

These are not for gum.

Jon and I woke up yesterday and immediately walked over to Graceland.

I was blown away by the amount of people that were there on a Wednesday morning. We bought our tickets--a package for six (6) different tour experiences, and we were on our way!

Everyone warned me that it wasn’t going to be as big as I thought… and so, I guess I was expecting something in the studio-apartment range. So I was actually was surprised by how big it was--definitely not a mansion by any stretch, but it's maybe a little bigger than my parents’ house...

...and decorated just as horrifically.

Inside, we were treated to not just gaudy items… but entire rooms full of, well, ugly. There's this heavily carpeted kitchen here...

...and this even more heavily carpeted "Jungle Room"...

...which actually has carpet on the ceiling.

And if the carpet doesn't kill you...

...the wall tapestries will.

I cant help but wonder: Would Elvis be alive today if he had a better interior decorator?

Anyway, we were also exposed to some of Elvis' costumes...

...some fan-made art...

...and, of course, the opportunity to buy anything even remotely Elvis related, including the chance to pay to play a round on The King's pool table...

...for the low-low cost of $100.00. (Which, of course, includes a Certificate of Authenticity and a Polaroid.)

Like I said earlier, I'm not a giant Elvis fan, but I thought I was aware of his hits. Except clearly...

...I had no idea just how many records he has sold. I think it's somewhere between 90 million and a 3 and a half bazillion.

As part of the tour, you can wander over to where Elvis is buried...

...which, conveniently, is located right by the meditation area, so fans could sit and reflect upon Elvis’ life and success and wonder where they went wrong.

"Will people come to MY house 32 years after I perish?"

Also available to see: dozens of elaborate fan-made memorials that were all very recently sent.

I'm guessing these things sort of just rotate out once they wilt or die, replaced by new ones after few days. Shocking.

After the main tour of Graceland, we went and checked out Elvis' car collection...

...saw his airplanes...

...after passing through security, of course....

...and got to see some pretty cool Elvis-related merchandise from back in the day:

"You're a Joik!"
"I know."

Despite our exhaustion and loopiness, Jon and I really started to get into this whole Elvis thing...

...but, as it turns out, we don't really look good in sequins.

The final stop on the tour was something called "Private Presley." We didn't know what this would be--it was located kind of off the Graceland property, so we weren't really sure what we were approaching. Would it be some sort of creepy and wholly inappropriate lesson on Elvis' bedroom habits? Would we be granted all access to his privates?

...and what, exactly, does "All Access" mean? We were both giddy with wonder as we made our way towards the strip-mall like building. You can imagine our disappointment when we discovered it was just a museum dedicated to Elvis' army life.

Bah.

Afterwards, we were starving, so Jon and I were going to hit one of the Official Memphis BBQ places we’d heard so much about.

There were some listed on the little Graceland Pamphlet and on our way out, we asked the security guard for directions to one of the places on the sheet. She sort of hesitated as she gave us the directions, so I asked, “How is that place?” Again, the hesitation. Jon asked: “Would you eat there?” She made it clear that while it was perfectly acceptable foodstuff, she had some other preferences. You can read all about that in Jon’s upcoming Tennessee Food Revue post.

As she told us about her favorite places in downtown Memphis, I handed her my parking pass for the Heartbreak Hotel and thanked her. She asked if we were done staying at the hotel and when she learned we were, she said “So you guys have left the building?” We nodded and she seemed genuinely sad.

And for a second, I was, too.

But mostly, I was hungry...