Day Three: Roanoke, VA to Pigeon Forge, TN

Mile 343.9 - It's Jon's turn to drive! Jeff vows to keep a good record of the mileage, but is already failing.

Mile 345.1 - Leaving the Roanoke airport! Get us to Tennessee!

Mile 345.5 - After two minutes of driving, Jon figures out how to adjust the steering wheel--something Jeff was unable to do for the first four days he had the car. That's a shame.

Mile 370.8 - Jon announces he is anti-carpet. Ofcourseheis.

Mile 378.0 - Jon is verymad at the big truck in the passing lane.

Mile 380.6 - Apparently, they forgot half of our road.

Finish this damned thing, will you?

Mile 381.5 - Ru U! Weooo!

Mile 387.0 - Artists at work!



Mile 389.3 - Clayton Lake makes Jon yell....

...apparently he almost perished while camping there. There may have been a Windigo.

Mile 393.4 - Guy cuts in front of Jon without using his signal. Jon is furious and labels him an official enemy of the CFRT.

If we had an oil slick or ninja star tires, this guy would be toast.

Mile 397.2 - Jeff needs coffee to wake up.

Mile 401.2 - Urgent Message is flashing. AhHHHH!

Mile 401.3 - The Urgent Message is about the lane painters we saw 14 miles ago. Thanks, Highway people.

Mile 406.8 - How. Dare. You.

Mile 418.1 - Pepsi Plant!
Jeff still needs coffee, but not Coffee Pepsi. Because that's nasty.

Mile 419.4 - Gay! We stop here...
...for gay coffee.

Mile 430.7 - Rural Retreat, TN. Where are the Jurors?

Mile 437.2 - GroseClose.
"Yeah. Totally Groseclose."

Mile 452.8 - 7 Mile Ford:
...Jeff remarks that this is a long car. Jon puts Jeff in ComedyJail.

Mile 456.9 - Jeff places Jon in Comedy Jail for the following crime:
"No Deal, so Chilhowie."

idiot.

Mile 464.8 - Boring!

Mile 473.7 - We nearly hit a beaver. Anonymous Ra is on the phone and remarks "That would have been the first time either of you hit a beaver." Welcome to Comedy Jail, Anonymous Ra. Glad you could join us.

Mile 481.5 - Hall's Bottom!?
Hot!

Mile 485.5 - HorseVans!


Mile 492.5 - We're in TN! The Volunteer State!


Mile 501.9 - Jon blasts a Miley song. Jeff volunteers to perish.

Mile 515.1 - Speed limit is up to 70! GO! GO! GO!

Mile 531.0 - Pee Stop! Cheerwine is here!

Mile 532.6 - Red Bull Cola is Terrible. TERRIBLE!!!

Mile 543.8 - Jon belches, declares the Red Bull Cola to be "better the second time around."

Mile 552.1 - We tune into 930AM. Ears are murdered.

Mile 557.1 - You're having fun on Pigeon Forge Road.

Mile 566.9 - Driving down Highway 40! (but not in our big old pick up truck.)

Mile 568.9 - America's Number One Aquarium? Really?

Mile 579.5 - TN is veryholy.

Mile 582.7 - Hotel Arrival!!

...or not. Apparently, we're still many miles away from Pigeon Forge.

Mile 586.2 - WTF is happening in this city?

Mile 588.1 - Sexy Stuf...
I don't even want to know where the other F is.

Mile 592.8 - Between here and the hotel, the streets were littered with crazy. I tried to take as many pics as possible. So for the next three miles, look at these:

Pigeon Forge: Making you feel twice as welcomed.™

Pigeon Forge is pretty excited about a lot of things. Including a Titanic replica...

...specialty shops...





...Hilariousness...
...and knives. Lots and lots of knives.


Of course, you'll need a place to stay, like a quality cabin!

Mile 595.9 - Luckily, we'll just be here at a Day's Inn. The right one, this time.

Mile 602.1 - And now, our final destination for the day! Hello, Dollywood!!!!!!