Day Four, Part One: Pigeon Forge, TN to Nashville, TN

Mile 610.5 - We're lost before we've even started.

Mile 612.0 - And now we are really on our way to the Salt and Pepper Museum.

Mile 615.4 - Leaving Pigeon Forge! Seeya shortly!

Mile 617.8 - Jeff refuses to watch for falling rocks.

Mile 618.6 - We are entering Gatlinburg!

Mile 619.7 - How can we be on both 321 North and 441 South at the same time?



Tennessee is very confusing.

Mile 621.2 - We've made it the Salt and Pepper Museum! It's the only one in the world!

Mile 621.3 - We're off once again!

Mile 621.4 - And we've stopped at "Coffee & Company" to blog for a bit. They tell us that we can only be connected to their internet for an hour and that there are no "plug-ins." We stay for two hours. Jeff almost gets stung by a bee. It's kind of terrible here.

Mile 624.8 - Tunnel!



Mile 630.2 - Hi Pigeon Forge! Again!

Mile 636.4 - Bye Pigeon Forge! Again!

Mile 637.2 - Jon starts discussing dinner possibilities in Nashville. "We can a Meat & Three. It's just meat...and three." Jeff is confused and amused.

Mile 638.5 - Some store is flying the Stars & Bars on their flagpole. Ugh. We definitely don't stop.

Mile 670.8 - Papermill Drive is NO Purple Peppermill!



We don't stop.

Mile 709.2 - Jon wakes up from his nap. Apparently, he's missed nothing and everything at once.

Mile 714.0 - Did we just drive into Central time? Did that just happen? Did we gain an hour? Do we win?

Mile 715.2 - Jon confirms that we did just drive into Central Time. We win!

Mile 732.3 - Jeff and Jon stop at McDonald's for a bathroom break and coffee at McCafe. Coffee continues to be just terrible Tennessee.

Mile 732.31 - Why are bologna biscuits a thing?

Mile 803.1 - We pass by a girl in a car that is going to a Jonas Brothers concert. How can we tell? Just look at her car...



...the message reads "Maria on the way to JB." (JB = Jonas Brothers) On the side car window there is another painting; it reads "Go Jonas!" (A little bit of online research reveals that the Jonas Brothers are playing Nashville tonight.)

Jeff thinks that the girl in the car looked "a little too handsome" and "a little too softball-y" to be going to a Jonas Brothers concert. Jon points out that even if the girl was a lesbian, she could still like the Jonas Brothers...but then he realizes how lame that sounds, because the Jonas Brothers are no Hanson.

Mile 813.4 - Liquor World! Jeff wants to go to there.

Mile 841.4 - Is that a Driving Ms. Daisy Shuttle?



Mile 841.6 - Yes.



Yes it is a Driving Ms. Daisy Shuttle.

Mile 844.9 - Demonbreun Street! Jeff is frightened.



Mile 846.1 - The Nashville dinner destination, Arnold's, is closed. Jeff and Jon regroup.



Mile 847.1 - There must be an explanation behind the sculpture in Buddy Killen Circle, but we're not sure it's ever going to top the one that Jon made up in his head.



Mile 847.2 - Buddy Killen Circle nearly kills us when it tries to push us onto Demonbreun Street. Jeff and Jon fight back.

Mile 847.8 - We turn onto West End Avenue. Jeff declares that we are "West End Girls" now. Jon declares that Jeff is an idiot.

Mile 851.3 - Dinnertime at Sylvan Park Restaurant! It's a Meat and Three!



Time to go on a break and eat some Chess Pie! (Not Cheese Pie, CHESS PIE. Really.)

Day Three: Roanoke, VA to Pigeon Forge, TN

Mile 343.9 - It's Jon's turn to drive! Jeff vows to keep a good record of the mileage, but is already failing.

Mile 345.1 - Leaving the Roanoke airport! Get us to Tennessee!

Mile 345.5 - After two minutes of driving, Jon figures out how to adjust the steering wheel--something Jeff was unable to do for the first four days he had the car. That's a shame.

Mile 370.8 - Jon announces he is anti-carpet. Ofcourseheis.

Mile 378.0 - Jon is verymad at the big truck in the passing lane.

Mile 380.6 - Apparently, they forgot half of our road.

Finish this damned thing, will you?

Mile 381.5 - Ru U! Weooo!

Mile 387.0 - Artists at work!



Mile 389.3 - Clayton Lake makes Jon yell....

...apparently he almost perished while camping there. There may have been a Windigo.

Mile 393.4 - Guy cuts in front of Jon without using his signal. Jon is furious and labels him an official enemy of the CFRT.

If we had an oil slick or ninja star tires, this guy would be toast.

Mile 397.2 - Jeff needs coffee to wake up.

Mile 401.2 - Urgent Message is flashing. AhHHHH!

Mile 401.3 - The Urgent Message is about the lane painters we saw 14 miles ago. Thanks, Highway people.

Mile 406.8 - How. Dare. You.

Mile 418.1 - Pepsi Plant!
Jeff still needs coffee, but not Coffee Pepsi. Because that's nasty.

Mile 419.4 - Gay! We stop here...
...for gay coffee.

Mile 430.7 - Rural Retreat, TN. Where are the Jurors?

Mile 437.2 - GroseClose.
"Yeah. Totally Groseclose."

Mile 452.8 - 7 Mile Ford:
...Jeff remarks that this is a long car. Jon puts Jeff in ComedyJail.

Mile 456.9 - Jeff places Jon in Comedy Jail for the following crime:
"No Deal, so Chilhowie."

idiot.

Mile 464.8 - Boring!

Mile 473.7 - We nearly hit a beaver. Anonymous Ra is on the phone and remarks "That would have been the first time either of you hit a beaver." Welcome to Comedy Jail, Anonymous Ra. Glad you could join us.

Mile 481.5 - Hall's Bottom!?
Hot!

Mile 485.5 - HorseVans!


Mile 492.5 - We're in TN! The Volunteer State!


Mile 501.9 - Jon blasts a Miley song. Jeff volunteers to perish.

Mile 515.1 - Speed limit is up to 70! GO! GO! GO!

Mile 531.0 - Pee Stop! Cheerwine is here!

Mile 532.6 - Red Bull Cola is Terrible. TERRIBLE!!!

Mile 543.8 - Jon belches, declares the Red Bull Cola to be "better the second time around."

Mile 552.1 - We tune into 930AM. Ears are murdered.

Mile 557.1 - You're having fun on Pigeon Forge Road.

Mile 566.9 - Driving down Highway 40! (but not in our big old pick up truck.)

Mile 568.9 - America's Number One Aquarium? Really?

Mile 579.5 - TN is veryholy.

Mile 582.7 - Hotel Arrival!!

...or not. Apparently, we're still many miles away from Pigeon Forge.

Mile 586.2 - WTF is happening in this city?

Mile 588.1 - Sexy Stuf...
I don't even want to know where the other F is.

Mile 592.8 - Between here and the hotel, the streets were littered with crazy. I tried to take as many pics as possible. So for the next three miles, look at these:

Pigeon Forge: Making you feel twice as welcomed.™

Pigeon Forge is pretty excited about a lot of things. Including a Titanic replica...

...specialty shops...





...Hilariousness...
...and knives. Lots and lots of knives.


Of course, you'll need a place to stay, like a quality cabin!

Mile 595.9 - Luckily, we'll just be here at a Day's Inn. The right one, this time.

Mile 602.1 - And now, our final destination for the day! Hello, Dollywood!!!!!!